It’s not as if I’ve had a death-defying experience, nor have I found my destiny. But somewhere between actually leaving Chicago and having understood that I left Chicago, something has changed.
I am slowly shaking the dullness that covered my senses. The air smells more crisp (and I’m sure it’s not just the mountain air), my mind seems sharper, and the clock ticks with a more assured sound of precision — more like a forward march, than a countdown. If I was being tried for making the decision to move out here, it’s 11 to 1 for not guilty. Still not entirely innocent, but certainly not guilty.
Chicago is still my home. I am not yet a fan of Seattle. I miss Chicago’s downtown, the people, and the culture, but I needed this change. The feeling of guilt for having moved away from Emily and Nemo still remains, but I can only hope and prepare a warm welcome for them. I’m not sure that I could have gotten this wake-up call if I had remained in Chicago. And that’s probably a character flaw on my part.
Experiencing the difficulty of being away from everything I was comfortable with has made me appreciate it more. Better yet, it has made me appreciate everything even more. I’m reaching out to make new friends, taking a fresh look at things I used to like to do, rethinking how I do my job, and understanding what is at the core of who I am. It sometimes seems incredibly selfish. I can only pray that God uses this for something good.
Despite all that, I can’t say for sure that I have changed for the better, but I know now that I need to be better. I guess the jury’s still out and I’m okay with that because it takes a lot of effort to be a better man.