Monthly Archives: September 2001

DSL is back in my life thanks to some hard work by Leo. It’s very nice being able to sit on my bed and write this blog. Ah, the little geeky pleasures.

    I ran into a freak this morning. As I was parking my car on the street near my work, I noticed that a guy in a silver Intrepid was staring at me from the other side of the street. I realized that he wanted the spot but I had beat him to it. He stared for the whole time as I was parking and I looked back. Then, he proceeded to make a U turn and drive up right next to me. By now, I was out of my car and walking toward work. When I was about 1/2 block away I noticed that he was parked next to my car. Just parked there as other cars had to go around him. He stayed there for about 5 minutes. It was freaky. What was even freakier is that he had 4 American flags on his car and a Bush/Cheney sticker.

    Perhaps I am overly sensitive, but I was just listening to the backlash against immigrants in the US and I couldn’t help feeling fearful of his zealotry. Should this man’s show of patriotism make me afraid?

I’ve been taking a more serious look at the card store. If nothing, it’ll be a nice Christmas gift to my friends and family. If it’s something more, it’ll be a hobby.

I am alarmed by the nationalist tones in which George W. is speaking and most of this country is taking on. Zealotry and ignorace is rising in our faces under the mask of patriotism. People are enamored by the firepower of nationalism, but they fail to understand the duties of being true to our union. If you require a distinction between the two, read this article published in The Nation 10 years ago.

I am bored… I have no idea what more to do on benhuh!com. Other than a messageboard/chat room for the other bored people, I am not sure what other cool stuff (or geeky from your P.O.V.) I can do. I’m taking suggestions.

I had a dream last night that I had a chance to share my faith with someone. They were curious, thirsty about God and they wanted me to tell them how their life will change. The dream contained no anxiety, no fear of rejection but contained love and laughter. I felt how it would be to see someone find the Truth. I woke up feeling so happy. I felt that I could do it again, perhaps with a real person this time.

I have found Atom Boy. My long lost soul brother, older brother, my “hyoung,” my hero. He is available on ebay for less than $20.00 and $4.50 S&H. If you don’t know who he is, you cannot understand me. He is my childhood. He is just, he is mighty, yet small and has a cute cowlick. He is the boy I wish I was — a crime fighter with a cute little sister. He can also shoot jets out of the bottom of his feet. Which is why he was so hard to capture. Not to mention his brilliant tactical mind and wit. You can see him in all his flying glory. I love you Atom Boy. You helped me dream and become a man.

I’m done hammering the last nail into my bedroom, re-arranging and generally wearing out my cheap Ikea furniture. Did I say I hate moving. Unfortunately, I know that there’s at least one more move after this one. But hopefully, that will be to a place I own. Must save. Must kick gadget buying habit. Do they have a gadgetholics anonymous? If not, I should start one. Now that I have drastically cut down on gadget-buying, I have become addicted to Ikea. Darn those Swedes. Such simplicity in their construction of habitable goods! They know that less is more, and they know how to make me break out my wallet. You should see these really cool spotlights I have in my room. It also smells like happy little flowers. Yes, I am comfortable with my sexuality to let my room smell like flowers.

    I’m beginning to laugh again. Laugh for a second to forget the fire and smoke. I’m listening to music on the radio and I can smile. That part of my heart that knew enjoyment is coming out of its protective shell, testing the water, one foot at a time. Like a child at the corner of the wading pool.

    I know for a fact I have writer’s block. In this gridlock of emotions, all I know now is how to cry and how to hope. I know not yet anger or revenge. I’d rather move on to love and acceptance without the fire of rage. I’d like to neatly package this feeling, this mortal feeling, cut cleanly out of my heart, and send it off somewhere to have it memorialized behind a glass door, in a museum. So that one day, I will visit if I wanted to remember. If.

It’s difficult to imagine the changes that are coming. I remember the Gulf War and how exciting and scary everything was. I was just 14. Being wounded this way opens up the compassion and love in a lot of people. We listen to each other so that we can heal. I’m glad to know that people are listening to other people so that they can heal the pain. I wonder if they’re more willing to listen to a loving God so He can heal their souls.


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